Monday, 20 September 2010

Stating the bleeding obvious....... as usual

Well, the UK electorate has disposed of one bunch of power crazed Hoons, only to take on another barking mad bunch of Huhnes. My reason gentle reader (You are gentle aren't you? I couldn't bear it if you were horrid), is sweet reason itself. Your current UK Energy Secretary proposes sticking something in the region of 30p a litre on the cost of gasoline and slamming extra taxes upon those of us who occasionally have to fly in and out of your wretched little poverty trap. Apparently this will replace all that juicy National Insurance fund money the tax man thinks is missing.

What will actually happen as people like myself decide that the UK, for all its heritage and charm, becomes too damn expensive to visit; all that lovely tax money will dry up like spit on a hot griddle and your government will have to get it from their traditional source. You. The 'carbon' tax will be no more than soot in the air, and the UK economy will be looking at a 'triple dip' recession as government struggles to recoup 'lost' revenue. Those few of you left with money enough to drive motor cars will think it a mercy when the local Chavs (or Neds if you prefer) have nicked your tyres and left your four wheel indulgence sitting forlornly on bricks. Not that there will be a market for used tyres, with UK petroleum prices chasing the rise in price of gold bullion, only the very well off will be rich enough to drive anything anywhere, and the price of loose house bricks for throwing enviously at them will be considered too wasteful. Too valuable for chocking up all those wicked cars my dear ex-compatriots.

The EU will have sucked the life from your financial institutions, leaving the once financially mighty City of London as a dried out husk of its former incarnation, so thousands of livelihoods dependent upon the financial sector will drift away like smoke on the breeze. Yet what will your glorious leaders be doing? Making it too bloody expensive for Mr / Mrs / Ms / Whatever to get into and around the UK.

This is the 'sustainability' and 'green' future your political masters will have brought you to with their ill timed eco-meddling. Labour / Liberal / Conservative have become mere labels for professional politicians who consider it is 'buggins turn' to rule, rather than their actual job to ensure the country the people who elected them live in is at the very least modestly prosperous.

Despite the phantasm of man made irritable climate syndrome being revealed as no more reliable than one of Mystic Megs newspaper horoscopes. Despite the complete non-impending doom of the planet. Despite the glaring gaps in the 'science', your political masters still think you're all doomed unless everyone gives up every advance in their standard of living since the 1930's and lets foreign corporations blot up all the wealth.

So, perhaps in a year or two; next time you're trudging your way to work (If you are fortunate to still be in work) through the porridge grey sameness of an awful British morning for a bus or train that has been cancelled, bear that in mind. Or perhaps splashing your rickety bicycle through crater concealing puddles, remember being warm in your own personal car-space, not shoulder to shoulder in a shoving, sweaty mass of damp spandex-clad cycle commuters straining up a once-unnoticed gradient. You may even see a dignitary speed past in one of the few remaining private motor cars, because only they are important enough to travel in such an environmentally unfriendly fashion. They will tell you you will be healthier for all the exercise. You may be told you will live longer, even should you feel such longevity is no longer such a good idea. In the brief four day hiatus of a rain free British Summer, there may be moments when you could even feel better. Until Autumn and Winter roll around, bringing their usual plague of chills and bronchitis. All these things I have known, and I'm jolly glad not to live in the UK any more.

Of course the moron Huhne's proposals may turn out to be nothing but Liberal Democrat conference hot air. One must hope for everybody's sake that this is the case. However, should his proposals come to pass, you're pretty much screwed. My sympathies to you all.


Angry Exile said...

It's funny, isn't it? The more time you spend away from Blighty the more reasons there seem to be not to go back.

Incidentally, loved 'man made irritable climate syndrome' - I shall certainly pinch that one from time to time.

Bill Sticker said...

I'm visiting my old stamping ground in the UK in a few weeks and openly wondering whether I should invest in some lightweight body armour. Life in BC has taken the edge off me. I've gotten too used to leaving my car unlocked overnight and not bothering to lock the house doors.

Will report on the culture shock upon my return.

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