Proof that once proud Britain is now governed by a secret clique of space aliens was seen today when Peter Mandelson's nose exploded in central London outside the Royal Academy. The event was witnessed by a shocked young enviro-weenie protestor carrying a paper drinks cup. Mandelson's own security people looked on paralysed with fright as gobs of vicous green fluid rained down onto the asphalt, making it sizzle.
"There's no procedure for this." One was overheard saying as Lord Mandelson was observed bent double, trying to conceal his now-obvious extra terrestrial origins.
The Metropolitan Police have begun an immediate enquiry into the incident, and the resulting shortage of McVities Rich Tea biscuits has been reported as affecting Canada because supplies have been withdrawn from export to meet the sudden increase in UK demand. UK expatriates in British Columbia are said to be 'concerned' over this sudden withdrawal of a staple foodstuff. Addiction counsellors have been put on emergency standby by the provincial government in case the world supply of Digestive biscuits is hit by the same market surge. Prime Minister Stephen Harper was not available for comment.
In an unrelated incident, Gordon Brown was prevented by eagle eyed secret service agents from sucking out US President Barack Obama's brains during a state visit.
"He didn't pose a threat to the president as we confiscated his drinking straws." A source close to White House security is reported to have said.
More news as it doesn't happen.
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