Coffee....... I need coffee.....

We're stuck at Mother in laws for the next few days and in spite of momentous news recently there is one issue I have with the UK. This obsession with the low-fat, low-this, low-that, low esteem and low everything. I mean, no wonder you're in such a mess. And you've still got an obesity 'epidemic'. From observation, one just as prevalent as in the USA or Canada.

For anyone interested, the true cause of the obesity 'crisis' is easy to see; Television. Too much time spent sitting on an ever expanding arse in front of vacuous shit like the X-Factor and Soap operas. Sit on bum watching TV, food input exceeds energy output; goes into the bodies natural storage system - excess fat. Simples.

Regardless of the above; my specific issue is this; there is no cream or sugar in the house, and my mother in laws 'sweeteners' taste like chemical waste. I brought my own coffee supply with me, but it's ruined by the lack of sugar and cream. I mean, what is wrong with people? They take all the good things out of life, which in moderation are actually good for you. What do they replace it with? Stuff that will probably kill you faster and tastes like toxic sludge. Don't even get me started on instant coffee. Serving that to guests is an insult and should be classed as a crime against humanity.

Apart from spending small fortunes in Costa and Starbucks I'm caught in a living hell. Take me home to Canada, I'm ready.

Update: Walked into four coffee shops this morning. "Large medium roast coffee with cream please." I said, taking a seat. The waiting staff in three of the four establishments looked at me as if I'd just arrived from another planet. Had to check the nearest mirror in case I'd suddenly grown horns and a tail. Maybe it was just my accent, which has taken on distinct transatlantic overtones. Distinctly unsettling.